[school bell rings]
Hey. What's going on?
Just wrapping up another day in paradise.
Listen, about the other day. I just wanted to say...
...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone through your bag
or stabbed you in the foot.
Don't sweat it. But, uh, let's keep our distance.
The doctor said it would heal faster if I reduce the amount of crazy in my life.
Crazy? I'm not crazy.
Yes, I'm talking to myself. It's a sign of genius.
[Bianca] Go home and prop it up with pillows.
- lt'll really get the blood flowing. - [girl] I think it's getting better.
Only had to take three pain pills to get through the day.
[Bianca] I'm sure it will be fine by Friday's game.
Jonelle pulled her Achilles. She'll never be OK by Friday's game!
- I might get to cheer. - Nice duplicity, Judas.
Why can't I feel bad for her and happy for me at the same time?
Pulling an Achilles tendon is a big deal, Bianca.
- Sometimes it requires surgery. - Oh, my God, poor Jonelle.
She might be out for months!
[groans] What a hypocrite.
- [car backfires] - [coughing]
Who's the hypocrite now?
[theme music plays]
...and then I realized I am a hypocrite.
How can I call myself an environmentalist
when I'm single-handedly exterminating polar bears in my Chernobyl-mobile?
Why don't you just convert your car into a bio-diesel?
My cousin Jamie did it in a day. If he could do it, you definitely can.
He still wets the bed.
I would be dispelling that whole gender stereotype that women can't fix cars.
Pro-environment and pro-female. Mandella, I love this idea!
You're a genius.
I'm the Marcie to your Peppermint Patty.
Bianca, hi! I had something I wanted to tell you.
What was it? Oh, right, I'm not gay.
Oh!
Sorry, Cameron. I don't know why I'd even think that.
Maybe it's because you're so sweet and sensitive and you watch Project Runway,
Because of sexy Heidi Klum and the way she says, "auf Wiedersehen!"
- I'm straight. - Oh! Gotta go.
Remind me to give you back your Dreamgirls DVD.
I'm not into musicals!
I'm into Motown.
Hi, Chastity. Hi, Joey.
- Your hair looks great today. - [both] Thanks.
So listen, I wanted to let you know I memorized all the routines
in case you need somebody to fill in for Jonelle on Friday night.
I don't think I can help you with that.
But you get a big "P" for persistence!
Don't forget, it takes ten girls to make a pyramid.
Do you mind sharing the top with Michelle?
- Joey, honey, shift to neutral, OK? - Shift?
Stay here.
OK. Joey's about to dip below the GPA threshold for football.
He needs a B on his chemistry project or he can't play.
Get it for him, and you cheer Friday.
But I'm not Joey's lab partner, Mandy is.
And Mandy's on her second sophomore year, so make it happen.
And go light on the jewelry. He's easily distracted.
So, what's distracting you from setting the table?
I'm turning my giant carbon footprint into a cute little baby foot
by converting my car into a bio-diesel.
- By yourself? - You think a woman can't do it?
Sure she can, if she's a mechanic.
You do realize that this is your only car and if you destroy it,
- I'm not getting you another one? - Relax, Dad.
I printed a comprehensive instruction manual off the lnternet.
Got nine out of ten stars.
Kat, I'm sure on the lnternet there's a manual on how to deliver a baby.
It doesn't mean you know your way around a uterus.
Why can't my dad just be an accountant?
[Michael] As long as she thinks you're gay,
she's never gonna see you as leading man material.
You're like... Iike Hugh Jackman before he was Wolverine.
Which means, if you want to up your sex appeal, you need...
- Adamantium claws. - No. No.
A big-screen movie moment.
Visualize with me.
- What am I seeing? - You.
Got it.
- On Bianca's doorstep. - Yes.
- Wet. - OK...
- Shirtless. - What? Why am I shirtless, exactly?
Because it's sexy! Trust me, girls eat this stuff up.
OK.
So I show up at her house shirtless and wet?
- Yeah. - Then what do I say?
You don't say anything.
You just take her in your arms
and lay a fat one on her.
So really this is less like Hugh Jackman
and more like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook,
You see, it's that kind of comment that makes people wonder.
- Hey. - I'm your new lab partner.
Where's Mandy?
She really wanted to work with Leon, so I swapped her seats.
- [mouthing] Thank you. - [Joey] OK.
So I was thinking that we can get together after school today
at my house and start working on our project.
- OK. - Which do you wanna pick?
There's Effects Of Pressure On The Volume Of A Gas,
- Density Determination or... - What kind of snacks do you have?
Do you have those little baby carrot sticks? I love those.
Yeah. I can get carrot sticks.
Density Determination it is.
Well, here she is.
Lady who thinks she can convert her car using a manual
she found on the lnternet.
All because she believes in the hype about global warming!
- I'm sorry, is this auto shop or 1 952? - You're just like my wife.
After watching some show on HGTV, she tried to rewire an antique lamp.
Almost electrocuted herself.
Maybe it was a botched suicide attempt.
Try not to break a nail.
Back to work, boys.
[grunts]
- Don't even bother. - Excuse me?
[high-pitched voice] "Brad, I'm a girl, I can't do anything for myself.
Please help me."
Because I'm husky doesn't mean I'm desperate for a pity flirt
that I'll work my butt off for you.
Girls and your witchy ways!
No. No.
- Not falling for that again. - Guess a cuddle's out of the question?
You can cuddle with me, kitten.
I like a woman who has no idea what she's doing.
I just need a crow bar.
And when I find one, you may want to run.
And I'd run slow so you could catch me.
Hey, can I borrow your crow bar?
You gotta be kidding me.
OK, so first we need to measure the mass
of a clean, dry object. This'll do.
And we put it on the laboratory balance and...
These would be really hard to peel.
I guess that's why they come like this in the bag.
Joey. Over here.
I'm sorry. I'm just bored. [laughs]
Look, we just need to power through this so we can get a good grade.
And why do I need a good grade?
So you can get into college and play football and stuff.
But I wanna be a model.
How's football and college gonna help my runway walk?
Wow, you're really serious about this modeling stuff.
I keep my body fat at four percent,
I sleep in paraffin wax and I even taped off a runway in my bedroom.
Modeling's my dream.
Nobody gets it.
I do! I'm a dreamer, too. I even have a dream book.
[both laugh]
- What's a dream book? - Oh, my God!
The greatest thing in the world.
I've separated it into actionable goals from now until the year 2024.
On deck currently: become a cheerleader.
Twenty says she quits by the end of the day.
Come on, if everyone bets against her, there's no point in having a pool.
Patrick, you wanna bet on her?
Not while she's anywhere near power tools.
[laughter]
I'll bet on myself.
Careful, that money could buy a bunch of tampons.
Listen.
For the record, I didn't even know you were in auto shop, OK?
If you think I'm here for you, you're sadly mistaken.
[Patrick] Hey!
- What the hell? - Oh...
I got it.
Could we just agree on...
...a minimum safe distance or do I have to file a restraining order?
Don't flatter yourself. And I'm not leaving until I'm finished.
And then in about 1 5 years,
after I sell my cosmetics line to a major conglomerate,
I'll start adopting babies from all over the world.
- Starting with Uzbekistan. - [chuckles] Wow.
And all I want is to be the first male supermodel.
And no, I don't count Tyson Beckford. He doesn't have a fragrance.
- [laughing] - [cell phone rings]
- Hello? - [Chastity] Get back to work!
- Chastity, where are you? - Behind you,
Just kidding,
Listen, Joey has
the attention span of a Cheerio. So keep him focused, OK?
Sweet dreams to the dreams book.
Oh, my God! I am so sorry.
I... I'll just put this in the washer.
And then the dryer. And then...
...back on you.
Don't worry, models gotta be naked a lot.
It's good practice.
[sighs]
[doorbell rings]
Hey, l... Joey Donner.
In the flesh.
- Do I know you? - Cameron James.
We've gone to the same school since first grade.
Cameron.
- Cameron James. - Cameron James.
Oh! Bianca's gay friend!
Man, I really admire you for busting stereotypes.
I'm actually trying to do the same thing.
I wanna show the world that straight guys can be models
in the same way you're trying to show the world
that gay guys don't have to have six-pack abs.
Yeah.
You looking for Bianca?
Nope. Just out jogging.
Dude, you sweat a lot.
It's been a problem.
Sweating. So l... Just do me a favor?
- Don't tell her I was here. - OK.
- At all. Ever. - OK.
See ya later, Cameron. Hey, you have a good jog.
Sticky.
[whistling]
We're just working on a science project.
My daughter is not and never will be enrolled in anatomy.
- No. Science. - [Bianca] Dad!
I... Look, I'm a surgeon.
Come back here again, I'll cut something off.
Daddy, I'll be back in a second.
Put your head between your legs and breathe. Count to ten.
I'm sorry.
He's has some sort of disease that makes him cranky.
- I think it's man-opause. - No worries.
You should have something to wear home.
- Yeah. - Here.
- Thanks. - Sorry, it's kind of small.
Wow.
I guess it's true. Real models can wear anything.
Thanks, Bianca.
Wow!
You know, most people have a forehead.
But you've got a five-head. Five!
I mean, that's what all the big agencies are looking for.
It's like a billboard on your face.
- I never knew that. - Yeah, your face is perfect.
No...
...yours is.
Which is why you shouldn't let them hurt it at the football game.
Your face is your money-maker. See you tomorrow.
Dad. In and out.
Come on, kitten, give up. Luis will take you to dinner.
Thanks, I've got a granola bar in my bag.
Well, girls like you always have granola bars.
Then you get at mad at guys like me because we eat red meat.
Well, guess what? I don't care what you think.
I'm gonna clean up on this bet.
I'm gonna spend your money on porn and cigars and women who don't talk back.
Well, make sure you save some for therapy.
And maybe you should save some for anger management.
[screaming]
[# Samantha Newark: Rainy Day Girl]
- Oh, Kat. - Don't say it.
I know.
- You were right. I can't do this. - Have some lasagna.
Thanks.
Why didn't you call me sooner?
'Cause this is a car, not a uterus.
- You just would've called a mechanic. - A mechanic. What a good idea.
I should be able to do this myself.
I'm not some damsel in distress.
No, you're my l-don't-give-a-damn-sel in distress.
You're also the most stubborn person I know.
Remember your hunger strike in third grade?
It worked. They put a salad bar in.
Well, the point is that you dig your heels in and never let go.
But sometimes it's OK to ask for help.
Let's go home and we'll call a mechanic in the morning.
Nope.
I can do this.
- Honey, this is crazy. - No, it's perseverance.
I'm not going to let him be right about me.
Him who?
The proverbial "him," meaning...
...all the guys in this stupid shop class.
They all bet money that I would fail.
All right. We can figure this out.
You've got me till my C-section at 8am.
I can't believe they gave this thing nine out of ten stars.
It's just stupid. It doesn't even make...
[Michael] I'm sorry.
Usually, when teenagers have their shirts off and are wet,
magic happens.
Magic might have happened. Just not with me.
OK. OK. New movie.
Black Hawk Down,
You're dropped into Somalia with no chance for victory.
It's time to cut your losses and retreat.
This isn't war, Michael. This is love.
- And love is a battlefield. - How am I supposed to do that?
We're in the same classes. I'm her French tutor.
It's not like I can be medevac'ed out of her life.
Aversion therapy! Put this on your wrist.
Every time you think about Bianca, snap it.
Rumor has it this is how Jen got over Brad.
There she is. Do it.
Oh, God!
What the hell happened with Joey?
I spilled grape soda on him,
- so I was just trying... - No. No, no, no.
No. Why is he quitting football?
- What did you say to him? - Nothing.
I would never tell him to quit football. I'm sucking up to you, remember?
Did you or did you not tell him to protect his face?
I was just being cute.
Cute.
Cute is that cute little kitty on YouTube playing Chopsticks,
Get him back on the team or you'll be logging more hours in your mascot suit
than the freaks at a furry convention.
- [Bianca] Joey. - Five-head!
I feel as if I may have led you down the wrong path.
There's so much competition in the modeling world. It's cut-throat.
Which is why I made my very own dream book.
- [laughs] You inspired me. - You made a dream book?
Yeah, and I put it into sections just like you.
One: develop my signature runway walk.
Two: clear up my backne.
- And three: wax my... - Joey!
Dream books are just for fun.
They don't actually make anything happen.
The odds are stacked against you. I don't want to see you get hurt.
You don't think I could be a model?
I think you'll be a great model.
Which is why you should play football!
How can football help me? It's not face-friendly.
Look at David Beckham. He's one of the biggest male models in the world.
He even has a fragrance.
And how did he get there? By playing...
- Soccer. - Which in England is called...
- [English accent] Soccer. - Football.
By playing football you increase chances of getting discovered.
You're right!
Bianca, you're so smart!
I gotta tell the coach before he gives my jersey away.
Don't worry, it has your name on it.
I know. Which is why I don't want him to give it away.
You remember to re-calibrate your flux capacitor?
This is a straight veggie oil conversion, not a time machine.
Kitten, stock fuel pumps can't handle the thicker veggie oil.
Why I've rigged a parallel auxiliary fuel pump
that's switchable at the dash.
- You did that yourself? - I didn't even break a nail.
- I think I love you for real. - No joke.
Please start, please start, please start, please start.
[engine starts]
- [engine revving] - [applause]
Pay up.
This will buy a lot of Crisco.
[Kat] Ah!
OK, I'm impressed.
- So you gonna take her for a ride? - Yep.
Now, we can really keep our distance.
Goodbye, fellas!
Cameron, guess what? I get to cheer today!
The uniform doesn't fit, but who cares? You'll be there?
- I wouldn't miss it. - Yay!
You know what? I don't wanna get over her.
I wanna be the guy in the movie who never gives up
and eventually gets the girl.
Yeah. I don't watch those movies.
Unless there's nudity.
What?